Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
