hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
