Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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