I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
