I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
