Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
