I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
