I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
