I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
