wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
