He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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