Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
