So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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