oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
