worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
