Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
