i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
