Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
