2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
