did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
