you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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