half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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