Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
