Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize