I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
