As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
