Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
