I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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