Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's Friday. Sex?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
