Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
