I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
wow bdsm is so cute
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
