told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
True strength comes from lack of pants
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
