I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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