Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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