Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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