This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize