At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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