If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
