my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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