dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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