I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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