sorry about calling you the devil all night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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