their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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