I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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