Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
50% drunk capacity currently
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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