Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
