you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
