mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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