...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
