I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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