If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The Olympian is in my bed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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