There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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