Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
