Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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