after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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