theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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