It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
