omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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