so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize