I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
