Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
