i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dick very happy bro
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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