Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
