he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
