Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
