even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
NoShamevember. You game?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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