i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
