If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
