We need to rekindle our bromance
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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