Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
