I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
