you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
