Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
