well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
