At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
