Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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