Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
