I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
