No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
