I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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