i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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