YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My sheets look like a crime scene.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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