so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
