Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
