Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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