You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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