no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
