just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
