You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
