Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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