Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize